Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
