We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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