Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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