Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I love you. Go after that dick
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
