I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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