I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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