Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
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