wanna go halves on a baby?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
