At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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