I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
