my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
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Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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