i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
