Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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