Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
