Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
