So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
