Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
