we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
