i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
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I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
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He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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