Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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