My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.