Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY