I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.