I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
