I molested 6 butterflies tonight
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now