If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
