smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
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Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
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HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.