i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level