bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
she pinky promised me she was 18
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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