I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
