no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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