Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Randomize
