My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
