Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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