I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
