We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
should my penis look like a turkey
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
