so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
