I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
