I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
