i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
