i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
