never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
