just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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