you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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