HIV tests are more positive than that guy
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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