This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
