Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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