I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
