Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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