In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
