dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just pee around me
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
