i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
