Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
