i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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