He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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