Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
