Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
