I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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