I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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