I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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