all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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