woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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