Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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