I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
