Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
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for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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