I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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