the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
