where am i from again
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
